Afraid...and an ultimatum

Let me start with a little back story. I believe I posted about this early last year, but I don't have time to go find that post right now.

Anywho...so last March, John and I travelled to Florida for my cousin's wedding. On the flight there, John fell asleep. I can never sleep on planes so I just sat there while he slept. After a little while, I noticed his strange breathing. He would take about 3 or 4 breaths and then he would stop. Stop breathing. For a good 10-12 seconds. It went on so long I started counting. I thought it was really weird. I'd never noticed that before.

While in Florida, I mentioned it to my mom, who is a nurse. All of a sudden she gets very concerned and says that that is sleep apnea and it can be very dangerous. I had no idea! She asked how long it had been going on and of course, I didn't know. Most of the time when he's sleeping, I'm sleeping so I don't notice. John, like always, brushes it aside as overreaction. He says his dad has sleep apnea and it probably just runs in the family. Uh, well, his dad is also a good 150 pounds overweight. Not a good comparison. So my mom tells him that if he lost about 20 or pounds, it would probably go away. We already had a vacation planned for July, so I told him he had to lose 30-40 pounds by the trip or he would have to go do a sleep study and get treated for the sleep apnea. Well, he only lost about 10 pounds before the trip, but I didn't push the issue of a sleep study. It was really regular that this would happen and I didn't notice it often, so it kind of faded to the back of my mind.

Fast forward to last night. I woke up about 5:30am after having a terrible dream, so I snuggled up close to John to make myself feel better. Wouldn't you know, it was happening again. 3 breaths, then nothing, for 10-12 seconds. I could not fall back asleep. I just laid there listening to him breath. And then not breath. And then breath again. For half an hour. Every time he stopped breathing, I would nudge him, try to make him breath. Didn't help. I got out of bed about 6am, 45 minutes before my alarm was to go off. I couldn't lay there anymore. I had too much on my mind now.

I just kept thinking about what my mom had said. If he lost about 30 pounds, it would probably go away on it's own. Granted, John could definitely stand to lose a good 40 pounds. And I try to ask all the time, "so...when are you going to lose weight?" He knows he needs to. He wants to. He just never does anything about it. Well, tonight, that's going to change. I refuse to take a laid back stance on this any longer. I don't care what the excuses are. I don't care if he hates me for making him do it. He WILL start to work towards losing this weight.

It definitely frightened me, last spring, when I thought that he might die in his sleep one night. I never want to wake up to find my husband has just stopped breathing entirely during the night. Never to wake up again. But back then, it was just me. I would probably survive.

But now.

Now, there is a whole nother life that depends on this man for everything! As much as I don't want to lose my husband to something that could be so easily preventable...I will NOT let my daughter lose her father before she even has a chance to know who he is.

And so, tonight, I will sit down with John and tell him. If he does not start to lose weight, and lose at least 25-30 pounds before Ella is born, he WILL go to a sleep study and get treatment for this. I am not going to sit around any longer on the side lines. I won't go to bed every night anymore wondering if he'll wake up in the morning. It's not just me anymore that he should be worried about leaving behind. He has a family now.

Thanks for listening guys. I really needed to get that out. I just hope I have the courage to do it all over again once John gets home tonight. Wish me luck!