16 Again

How is it that one little conversation can throw me back 10 years to being that same 16 year old girl trying to get that one guy to like me?

I recently had a chat on Facebook with an old boyfriend…if you could even call him a “boyfriend”. I think we “officially” dated for maybe 2 weeks, if that. He was just that boy I was so infatuated with and did everything I could for him to like me and want to be my boyfriend. But as fate would have it, there always seemed to be someone in front of me in line. For the longest time I always felt that I wasn’t ever good enough. I was never the girl that got the guy.

Yet here we are 10 years later and I’m the one who is happily married to a wonderful man, and he’s the one alone, having chosen the wrong girl. And we happen to both be on Facebook at the same time one night and he sends me a message. The first time I’d heard from him in 8 years. And instantly I’m transformed into this little insecure teenager still wondering if the boy will like me. Turns out it took him a while, but he finally realized how horrible he had been to me and that he had loved me and was an idiot for passing me up…and he apologized. I was such a mix of emotions. Glad I finally had closure. Sorry it took him so long. Curious as to what if? I mean, what do you say when the first guy you thought you loved tells you he’s sorry for being such a jerk to you back in the day? It was just so strange because I had shrugged him off so long ago. I never thought I’d be back in that situation wanting to be his friend again. Which is probably what I was most sad about those 10 long years ago…losing such a good friend. He was probably one of my best friends at the time. We could talk about anything for hours. Then he got some new girlfriend and ditched all his friends. I thought that was it. I’d never see him or talk to him again. Now here he is…telling me to call him none the less.

Granted, he fixes cars for a living and my car needs fixing so he said to call him so he could fix my car, but I think I’m scared. Really, what do you say to a guy you haven’t talked to in 8 years?? It can’t just be a casual, “Yeah, so my check engine light is on…how much do you charge to fix that?” How awkward… So here we are a month later and I’m still afraid to pick up the phone. That little girl inside wondering what she’ll say when he answers.